I’m not in a rush to say it, but I fall down.  Most peoples lives are filled with daily ups and downs, so it’s obvious that people fall.  The act of physically tripping is common and it angers most individuals that do by accident. The type of fall I’m talking about it the metaphorical type, and there it can hurt more than falling down. So we all fall in other ways, but some react better and can deal with negative consequences in a more productive way.  I’ve been there, and I’m mostly useless.

So I fall, and when I do, I fall hard.  I’m a believer and a fighter, so when I fall it’s with intensity and velocity.  My famous shit fits and loss of temper are famous. Well maybe not famous, but certainly known.  Unfortunately I know the reason why I fall hard - I fail hard.  I have it wired into my brain not to give up and to work at my highest level.  This programming took decades and it is there because it is the way I succeed.  That’s right, what makes me succeed also makes me fail.  The same level of grit and determination are involved in both victory and defeat. 

At the youngest age, I received special classes for my Dyslexia.  The idea of working my hardest was drilled in.  It didn’t matter that it didn’t work, or didn’t work for years.  I spent years with teachers and aids telling me I wasn’t working hard enough.  When my parents heard, they got mad and that was bad!  So I worked harder and harder, never getting anywhere.  Kids in school teased me about failing classes but getting outstanding attitude grades. It was humorous to everyone, especially my sister. 

I’d like to say it was grit or discipline, but when I fell and I was humiliated it was RAGE that saved me.  It was the end of 8th grade and I had taken enough.  Some kid was teasing me in class and the teacher wasn’t stopping him. I was picking up a test from the teachers desk, a “D”, and Gregg tripped me.  Everyone saw my test grade, Gregg laughed and pointed out my grade to the class.  I felt the burn of tears in my eyes.  “Go Back to Your Seat!” the teacher ordered without saying anything to Gregg. 

POP! I accepted that I would fall, but I wasn’t going to let anyone get away with making me fall! I leaped and took Gregg and his desk to the wall ten feet behind him, then I punched and he got hit.  Mr. Lopiccalo screamed for me to stop.  I looked up at him, smiled, and hit Gregg until he pulled me off, he was mad.  I looked up at him with tears drying in my eyes and proudly walked to the principal’s office.  He was so shocked he didn’t speak a word.  It was the best two weeks of detention I ever served.

I learned that day that we fall, but we define ourselves by the way we stand.  The next bully was my sister and family.  Little did I know that my readiness to stand when they knocked me down made them all fear me.  I soon understood they were all cowards, good people help you up!  I teach my sons now about the intangible victory of just standing.  Pride, honor, self-trust, these things aren’t real. You can’t collect them or keep them, but these are the things that makes life’s painful journey possible. 

There is a famous scene in the movie “The Dark Knight” where young Bruce Wayne falls in a well.  His father, when helping his son up, asked, “Why do we fall? So we learn how to stand up!”  So I fall and I fall often.  That means I’ve had a lifetime of practice getting up.  And I stand! I do not fear standing, I look to that moment to see who I really am.  Most times, to my satisfaction, I get up and try again. Noble as a knight getting up from being unseated, I dust myself off, I get back on the horse, and I fight again.